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Days Eleven, Twelve and Thirteen

So we just had a long weekend and it really didn’t go so well. I’m still happy to say I’m not smoking, but I’m feeling the toll on what I hope is the Champix.

I’m just so tired all the time. I get up, do what I need to do and then fall back into bed and sleep. Not nap, but a full 4 hr sleep. Even if I did get a good 8-10 hrs the night before.

I’m unmotivated and can’t get into anything that I usually enjoy (like video games). As soon as I stop doing something, I just want to sleep.

My wife has described my demeanor as “flat”. I seem to be hanging on to the first problem I see, so maybe even a sense of paranoia? I’m still able to function and I’m not a blubbering buffoon. But I am concerned about this as it comes across as depression.

To my knowledge I have never really been depressed. However one does wonder why people smoke. And after 25 years of emotional state masked by smoking, who am I really? It’s an interesting thought, but I won’t dig into this too much as it is the last thing I need.

So yesterday I managed to surf the web for a while and look up examples of people that just stopped after two weeks with Champix. Were they able to continue with no smoking.

While researching I stumbled across multiple entries on how people had “changed” after completing or getting off Champix/Chantix. Not usually for the better either. Relationships ending, Unable to function, sex drive depleted. Google is “death” when it comes to self diagnostics, but it did make me think about what is in my future as a non smoker. If I can never shake this fog or get motivated again. the Last thing I want to do is end up at a shrink getting onto anti depressants! .. Anyhow, I’ll move on as once again, signs of paranoia 🙂

So I decided I would stop the Champix. I need to be able to stay awake for work and as the tiredness, just seems to be getting worse, I did not take my last pill last night. Tomorrow I will hang onto it and see how I do. If I start eating babies and swinging from the chandeliers, I can always pop the pill and then pickup the prescription I have waiting. I would prefer not to as I really don’t want to spend another $70.00 on “sleeping pills”!

Fingers Crossed!

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